I just gift wrapped bread.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
