all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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