i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
