i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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