dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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