maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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