Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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