Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
