the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
