when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
