it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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