lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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