what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
