She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
