Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
