Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
