I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
