he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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