just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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