Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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