anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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