I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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