I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
