get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
