I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
