My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
