I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
it was like having sex with a tree stump
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
