I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
