My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
