Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
