does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
