Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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