She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
