I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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