Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
