So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
