i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
