It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
