FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
