2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Randomize
