I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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