Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
