She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
