I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
