btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
