Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
