Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
