I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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