I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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