whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
don't judge my taste in strippers
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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