Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
In America we eat man semen.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
