good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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