Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
