her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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