sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
