Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
