Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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