He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
