I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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