I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
