maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
