uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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