You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
