JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
