My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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