can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
