Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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