I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
