This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
