Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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