You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
