i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
