i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
