There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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