just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
