pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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