you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
