I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
