i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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