I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
