She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
