Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
