is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
