did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
