This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
