Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
